You are my sunshine... my only sunshine...
You make me happy when skies are gray...
You'll never know dear, how much I love you...
Please don't take my sunshine away...
I wonder who wrote this song? Was it a mom, a sick mom? A mom who's brightest moment of the day was seeing her child? A mom who may have been too sick to take care of her child the way that she wanted to? I don't know, but I'm going to pretend that's who wrote this song.
Tru truly is my sunshine. Just seeing him makes me feel so much better. I did something this week that I've been so hesitant to do this whole time... I sent Tru away on a little "vacation". I needed a break, he needed a break. I keep telling myself that it was more for him than for me. He needed to get out of this house and have a little fun, so that's what I've sent him to do. The reality though is that it is getting so hard for me to take care of him the week after I have chemo. It's hard, I'm trying so hard to do it, but it is beyond exhausting. He is not a calm and mild two year old... he is wild! He is constantly climbing up onto the counters, or onto the washer, or getting in my makeup. He just doesn't stop. It's just getting so hard for me to even pick him up and carry his flailing and screaming self out of whatever situation he has gotten into.
It's. Hard.
I know that he is having a blast. I know that he is in great hands and with people that I trust more than anything. But I miss him so much. I don't even know what to do with myself. But I'm totally trying to take advantage of this time and I'm sleeping, resting, sewing a little, mostly resting, while I can. We aren't done yet, we have a ways to go, I can't peeter out yet!
At the beginning it wasn't so bad. I would be sick for a few days and then it was like I would totally snap out of it and feel normal. Normal is now long gone. I feel sick for a week... followed by being totally exhausted and weak for the rest of the time. I used to try and get my house all clean and all the grocery shopping done the day before chemo so that I wouldn't have to worry about it and I could be sick in peace. Not anymore, I don't have the energy to clean my house the day before chemo anymore. The closest thing I can relate this too is if you were to get bumped by a car... you'd get knocked over, scraped up a little, but stand up and dust yourself off. Then you get bumped again... more scrapes, bruises, bumps... you get up. Then you get hit again... and again... and again... pretty soon you don't know how you are going to stand up. That's how I'm starting to feel. Chemo is wiping me out... There should be rule that mom's with two year olds can't get cancer... just so you know.
I can't wait to see his sweet little face and kiss his soft cheekies again...
9 comments:
Your beautiful bald head makes your smile stand out so much more.
You're gorgeous, Meg.
so glad you could have a little break Meg! I don't know how you do it, you are so strong and such an inspiration. You are always in my prayers!
I don't know who wrote that song, but it has a second verse. Ready for a little cry?
The other night, dear,
When I was sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms,
And when I woke, dear,
And you were missing,
I just hung my head and cried.
Every mom needs a break sometimes, and I can't imagine how much harder it must be for you- trying to take care of a toddler while being so sick and tired. It really is amazing how much joy children bring into our lives. Every morning I am not happy when I hear Paige yelling for me, because I am so tired. And then the minute I walk into her room and see how happy she is, I just cant help but be happy also. Thank heaven for sweet little kids.
You're an inspiration to me dear, you make me feel like I can make it through my current trials that seem so unbearable. So even though you are unaware of my trials, I want you to know that YOU are a sunshine in MY life!
First of all- beautiful pictures of you and your boy!!
Second, I'm so glad you are getting a break. I think it was the wisest thing to do for everyone. Hang in there! You are doing great!!
What a difficult decision but I'm amazed at everything you do Meg- you're such a strong woman.
It is amazing how much these little ones can brighten your day. I am glad you have such an adorable sunshine, but I am also glad you get a break. Try to take care of yourself and get the rest you need. We are still praying for you! Hang in there.
You truely look so beautiful in these photos. I too hope you start feeling back to "normal" again soon. You really have been so strong and amazing through all this. You can do many hard things...it is true.
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