What would you do...

Okay dear friends... I'm going to ask you to sit down, read this, and give it a little thought. Put yourself in my shoes if you will and tell me what you think you would do in my situation...

So I'm now going to be at a crossroads. Possibly only do chemo for one more treatment and then start radiation. I've been doing loads of my own research over the past couple of days and here is what it looks like. When you do ABVD for Hodgkin's you have a 90-95% cure rate if you go into remission soon (which I did) and it stays away for the course of the treatment. With coupling it with radiation you get a slightly higher cure rate, like maybe 96-97%. So there is the advantage of doing radiation.

Now with everything there are great risks involved. With chemo I had to sign my life away saying that I would take these drugs even though there is a chance that I could have permanent heart and lung damage, a 10% chance of infertility, a possible chance of getting leukemia later on in life... pretty heavy stuff. But they feel that getting rid of the cancer now is worth the risk of doing it... so we did it ;).

With radiation there is a whole different bag of risks involved. The ones that I am mainly worried about is that it can cause secondary cancers such as breast cancer since I will be getting the radiation right in my chest. This one has been really bothersome to me, mainly because I have an aunt who is fighting breast cancer right now, and it's not going so well. I hate cancer! I never want to get cancer again!!! I hate that it completely takes over your body and whithers you away to nothing before it takes your life. That your family and loved ones have to see you as a complete prisoner in you body before you are gone... and far too often gone way too soon. I have a really hard time doing this knowing that I am significantly increasing my risk of breast cancer by doing this (BTW if I did find out I had breast cancer I would just have them chop them off... I absolutely don't want to go through chemo ever again!!!) The other risks are that since they would be radiating the lymph nodes in my chest they are right nestled in tightly by my heart and lungs. The bleomycin drug I take can cause serious lung damage. So far my lungs have been fine, but if they get shot with radiation... I was told that possibly when I'm 40 or so I could start having major problems breathing. Basically my lungs could turn to straw. And heart disease, the adryamicin drug I take affects the heart... same type of story.

Those are the scary long term side affects. In the short term it would be more time invasive meaning I would have to go every day for a month or so to get radiated. It causes a sunburn like rash on your skin where they do it. Can give you a sore throat and make you tired. It wont make me sick like the chemo and will be a lot easier on me physically than the chemo. My hair would hopefully start growing back....

Anyway, I talked to my nurse practitioner for a long time yesterday about this at my last appointment at the cancer center. She laid it all out on the line for me pretty much. The last thing she said was ,"This is a huge decision you're going to have to make. I don't envy you at all." When she said that I just felt the huge weight of it fall on my shoulders. And for the first time I cried at the cancer center... I've never cried in there before, I've always been so strong, but I just really hope that I make the right decision for myself, for my family.

I hate that I'm 26 and having to make a decision like this... so I was just wondering with what I've said... what would you do and why? Thanks...