Well, it was a big weekend for my bald head... it was a hard one. The sickest I have been so far. I guess I had it coming since last treatment went so well.
My family had their Christmas party on Saturday night. My brother wanted to do an online video chat so that I could see the party. That was really sweet of him... but I was not feeling up to it. I almost didn't do it, but then I remembered that it's Christmas... and my family hasn't seen me or my family since September.... and even though I'd been bowing to the porcelain throne all weekend and looked like junk... it was still me. Sick and all! So we did it... my bald head made an appearance on the web cam... it was a bit nerve wracking but oh well!
Then on Sunday Trent's sister and husband came down for dinner. I just get so anxious every time someone new sees me. I don't know why I care so much, but I really do get anxious about it. It was so nice to see them though! We had some good laughs and good food.
Then some members of the ward came over... four other new people who haven't seen me in a while... so ya, it was a big weekend for my bald head. I don't know if I'll ever get used to being bald. I keep just thinking that hopefully before I know it I'll be done with this and my hair will start coming back in... but reality is that wont be happening for a long while.
The truth is that every time someone new comes over I go through this, "Should I wear a hat?" question. I don't like wearing hats when I'm just sitting at home doing my thing, but I have yet to go in public without a hat on... so I try to force myself to not wear a hat when someone comes over to my house. But I just don't like being bald... and having people see me bald...
So tomorrow I'm going to see about getting a wig. I don't know that I will wear it all the time but it would be nice to have it as an option.
Anyway... I don't know if I will ever get used to being bald, or feeling so sick, or having cancer, or any of this. I keep telling myself that this is not a permanent situation... this wont be forever. But it's starting to feel like a long time. It's hard to feel like this for a long period of time... time to get over myself I think...
9 comments:
ah meg. i've said it a million times, you are so brave! it's okay to feel insecure about it, and i think you're handling it well.
Meg, it's okay that you have issues with being bald. I doubt anyone going through the same thing isn't feeling these exact feelings and thinking the same thoughts.
You're such a ROCK, though.
Love you tons!
Good luck with your wig shopping. It will be nice for you to have that option. I think it was a little weird for us, but probably not as hard as it was for you. We love you no matter what! And you are still beautiful!
It is definitly hard to think how much time you have left. Especially when you know you are going to feel like crap most of that time. Just know that eventually it will get better. Get lots of blessings and know that lots of people are praying for your health.
Good luck with the wig. I got one, but I have not worn it much. I like just being bald. I do wear hats at home, but only cause I am used to wearing them all day at work too.
It was good to see you guys through the web cam. I miss you all so much. I thought you looked good :)
Just remember that there is no rule that others have to see you bald. If you feel uneasy, you should feel completely free to wear a hat or wig or whatever. No one is (or should be) expecting you to do something you are not comfortable with.
Merry merry Christmas and see you soon!
meg im sorry i didnt get to see u on the web cam but im sure that u look beautiful as u always have. have a great christmas love scott and family
You are the bravest little person I know! And adorable....really.
So...my half sister has beautiful naturally blond hair like you. She found out she has breast cancer! So she did the whole chemo treatments, lost her hair, etc. She found a beautiful long blond wig and even now I have to question whether it's real or not! haha! It looks SO natural. There is NOTHING wrong with wearing a wig if that makes you comfortable! Everyone knows she's wearing a wig, but again...it looks incredibly natural. So...just something to think about.
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