Public...

So... I was thinking the other day about how openly public I have been about the trials we have been going through this year. I've always been very open about a lot of things... so I'm sure those of you who know me best are not surprised by my outward display of these trials.

But I was thinking about that the other day... how most of the trials that we face in life are very private. With only a few people knowing about them if any. Trials with finances, with relationships, with spouses, children, personal struggles. Lots of trials in life are far to personal to be written out on a public blog, or to be shared openly with others.

I however have found myself with trials that would be hard to keep secret. How do you hide the fact that you went from being very pregnant... to not... with no baby in your arms? I knew that was a trial that would be very hard to hide. I knew it as soon as the ward mission leader in my ward came up to me the first Sunday back at church to see where my baby was. Then the hairdresser, then the neighbors... that's a tough one to hide.

Now this trial with cancer. I suppose I could hide this one fairly well. I could wear a wig and just not go around people for a while. The other day I was sitting in the cancer center paying my copay while another man sat in the terminal next to me. He told the lady who was helping him that he did not want anyone to know about what he had. They were only to reach him on his cell phone and if he didn't answer they were not to leave a message. He didn't want his wife and children to know that he had cancer. That made me so sad...

One extremely beautiful thing that I've been able to witness this year is the kindness of others. I've been so touched by how giving everyone has been. I've been able to see so many people use their talents and gifts to try to ease my burdens. My mother making a burial outfit for my son, my brother in law burning a cd of grieving songs to help me though my pain, pictures taken by my best friend that I will cherish forever, food, food, food!, free babysitting, chocolate covered macadamia nuts sent from Hawaii, handmade cards with heartfelt messages, blankets, quilts, handmade pillows with Clayton's name sewn in, hand embroidered hanker chief for the funeral, flowers, groceries in our fridge, handmade sourdough bread, heartfelt e-mails, constant calls to check up on me, necklaces with little baby booties, hats for my head, countless prayers (one thing that I am most grateful for)... the list goes on and on and on and on...

We've been so blessed by the kindness of others. I'm truly coming to understand the wonderful blessings that come in the midst of trials. I'm grateful to all of those who are helping me shoulder this burden. Blessings have been poured out on our family and continue to be poured out. I don't feel alone in this. I'm so grateful for that.

Part of sharing our trials and burdens with others allows them to take part, to serve, to lift, to love. I know that we all have different trials that we face in life, but I'm grateful that in these oh so public hardships that others have reached out to us. What a great blessing. Thank you all so much!