Well, the day is finally here. Your "due date". I'm not sure how I feel about this date... when I first found out that you were due at this time I thought that we might share a birthday. Then as the months passed I hoped we would share a birth month. Then as the day came that you were to be born I came to hate this date. I'm sorry that we didn't make it to this date together (or you know... anywhere close).
I was planning on doing something fun today, something to take my mind off of this unfulfilled date. I thought about running in a race, and even started running in the mornings to get my completely sedentary self in shape for such a thing. But then when I found out I had cancer, I no longer wanted to train for a race...
I don't know how cancer fits into all of this. Like the chicken and the egg, I don't know which came first... you or the cancer. My doctor thinks that having you so suddenly and in the middle of the pregnancy could have triggered the cancer. I don't know how I feel about that. It was only 2 1/2 months after I had you that I found the lump in my neck, so I really don't know which came first. Honestly... I don't think that it really matters. You needed a body and Heavenly Father chose me to give that to you and so I did. That is what matters. I love you and look forward to the day that I can meet you, but lets set that date for fifty years from now shall we?
I'm sad that things have turned out the way that they have. However, I don't feel that you were sent into my life so that I would be sad and miserable forever. I'm not going to dwell on that and focus on that. I'm going to focus on the fact that I have the amazing privilege of being the mom to a special little angel. My life has much more meaning now than it did before. I have always tried to live my life well and to be a good person, but now the prize at the end is so much more precious. I will try to do the best I can so that I can raise you someday.
We love you Clayton. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. Know that you are always in my heart.
Love,
Mom
10 comments:
wow, I just wanted to let you know that you opened my eyes a little. I think I become selfish very very often for my own desires and WANTS. But I realize more by this post how important it is to live a good, faithful life because of the things I know and believe in. For the opportunity to live as an eternal family. That has so much more meaning now that children are involved and I feel more of an awareness of that opportunity. And a responsibility I guess at the same time - to live in the way that will allow my family to be together forever.
WOW seriously I think this post made it dawn on me that I better get my butt in gear and be a better member.
Thanks meg!
Thanks for sharing your sweet letter. I love you.
Meg. I'm so sorry. When you said you get to be a mom to an angel, I never thought about it that way, and it's so true. You are a mother to an angel! You are strong. Keep going. Love and prayers your way-
My heart goes out to you today, Meg. You are always in my prayers.
Hang in there girl! What a tough weekend! Love and miss ya!!!
~Berlee
I am thinking of you and baby Clayton tonight. Love you Meg!
You amaze me with your wisdom and perspective.
Love,
Mom
Thinking of you. You inspire me. Thanks for your thoughts. You make all of us think about the important things in our life and what truly matters. Thanks.
you are so amazing.
Oh Paris, I had no idea! I'm sitting here crying because I've had a "bad mommy day"...I need to be more grateful for what I have! Thanks for being such a strength to those around you!
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