Clayton's Burial...

Did you know that if a baby is born after 20 weeks it's considered a person? At least in my state that is the "law". If a baby is born before 20 weeks then it is just considered a lost pregnancy. That basically means that we had to have a death certificate and a transit permit in order to bury our boy in Utah. I realize that this is just a man made law but it seemed a little significant to me. There have been many little things like this that I feel have confirmed to me that little Clayton needed to get to the point where he had his body before it was time for him to go.

Thursday morning all the paperwork was done and we were able to go pick up our boy's body to drive him up to Utah. It did seem a little strange to take this little casket on our family drive. At the same time it seemed strangely normal, to have both my boys in the car with us. I would have much rather had him in a car seat next to Tru, but instead we just laid the casket on the seat. The lid was not sealed. I was a little worried that Trent would take a sharp corner and the lid would fly off... glad that didn't happen.

The drive was pretty normal. We stopped in Arizona and got some cherries at the road side stand. We stopped again in Beaver and bought some cheese curds. I knitted and listened to my Ipod while Trent listened to a book on CD. Just a normal drive...


When we got up to Utah we took Clayton to the mortuary and had him kept there for the night. I didn't want to have to bring him into everywhere we went, nor did I want to leave him in the car. When Trent was carrying his casket up to the door I noticed that there was a cheese curd on the casket. I was so embarrassed, Tru must have put that there. I was hoping that Trent would notice it and flick it off before he handed Clayton over to the man there, but he didn't... oh well...


We buried Clayton next to his Grandma Linda, Trent's mom. We had a few other options as to where we could bury him but Trent really wanted him to be with his mom. I thought that was very sweet. The casket that we bought was not anything fancy. We got the casket/vault combo because it was the best way to go with traveling with him.


We got to the mortuary a couple hours early so that I could dress him in his little outfit that my mom made. She made him a little night gown out of a doll pattern. She made it out of my wedding dress material, just like she had made Tru's blessing outfit out of my wedding dress material. I was still a little big on him. He looked so sweet and peaceful in it. I wrapped him in the blanket that I made and it felt really good to do that.




I had my super talented photographer friend Ashley meet us there to take some pictures. The pictures that they took of him at the hospital were not very good. They really bothered me actually. She did such a good job. Very tasteful, very candid. I'm so happy with them. I'm so glad that she was able to do that for me, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else there to do that but her. My sister in law heard of a photographer who would take pictures of dead babies but only after they were 25 weeks because of the skin coloring. By the time we buried him, his skin was pretty black. She didn't seem to mind, which was really nice. He's my baby, even if his skin was dark and not like normal baby skin.

Dressing my little boy...

His little hand was the same size as Trent's thumb nail...

I buried him with a heart that the hospital gave me. It's a ceramic heart that the inside of the heart comes out and you put that with the baby and the outside of the heart you keep for yourself. I also put a picture of Trent, myself, and Tru in there with him. Then just his outfit, blanket, and lining that we made (well that Mindy made... I was too busy knitting, thanks Mind!) I just wanted to keep it simple.


We had to get special permission to do the burial on Friday, being Memorial Day weekend and all. We just did a simple graveside service. We invited our immediate family members and a few close friends to be there. I just wanted it to be very intimate, not a social gathering. My parents said a few words, and so did Trent's dad. Then Trent dedicated the grave and said a few words. I wasn't sure if I would be able to say anything but I did. Again, I felt so overwhelmed with peace and comfort, the words came very easily. It was a beautiful little service for our sweet little boy.

Big brother Tru putting flowers on Claytons casket...

During the closing prayer Tru decided to lay down by the casket... then he started to roll. I could just see in my mind that casket rolling down the hill that we were on and I about died! Thankfully, he just knocked the flowers off of the top of it. Typical toddler... always surprising me with his little things... I wanted to add these funny little things that happened like the cheese curds and the casket almost rolling down the hill, mainly because it reminds me that we are just normal people. Nothing is predictable. We are just normal people going through this. This is life, ups and downs, even in the middle of a trial there are still funny moments and things to smile about.



It was a big relief to have the services over. It's a lot of work to plan out a burial, even one for just a baby. So much stress, sadness, pain in that first week. It really was a relief to have it all done. I felt like I couldn't really start trying to heal until it was done. I can't really explain it, but there is so much peace that comes with giving your loved one a proper burial. I'm so grateful for everyone's support. We felt a lot of love from our family members and it was nice to be able to have this special burial with them.