Dear Clayton,
Sunday morning as we drove to church I wondered if we would be singing the song. Being the weekend of the 24th of July I figured that we probably would. Sure enough, Come Come Ye Saints was the first song of the meeting. I didn't actually sing it, but instead I sat and listened to the words that were being sung. It helped that I was sitting in front of a man with a deep bass voice, as he boomed out the words.
It really is such a beautiful song. A beautiful song about life and death, about God's will being the right will. About triumphing over our trials in life. I love this song, and I love that when we sing it I think of you...
I wonder if I will ever hear that song again and not think of you? Probably not. As I sat there and listened to the congregation singing I wondered if anyone in that room with me remembered that you were named after the author of that song. I wondered if anyone even remembered you at all... but it really doesn't matter, because I know I will never forget you. You have pierced my heart in a way that no one else ever could. You made me a mother to an angel and I will always hold this roll very sacred.
I don't know the answers to most things in my life, but I trust that someday I will. I do believe that all is well. I do believe that Heavenly Father's will for our lives is perfect, even if it doesn't make much sense. Many times I have felt that it was a cruel thing to take your little life from me, and then have to go through an ordeal such as cancer. But really, I know that it was part of our plan. I feel honored that even though Heavenly Father knew that I would be facing cancer, that he still enabled me to be your mom and to give you the little body that you needed. As heartbreaking as it has been, I'm grateful that I was able to do that for you. All is well...
I love you sweet little boy...
Love,
Mom
mom + dad
my boy
baby clayton
Naturally Meg
9 comments:
Beautiful comments Meg. Know that I think of Clayton often and won't ever forget him.
That song has always had a way with me; and now, I ALWAYS think of you and little Clayton when I hear it...
Oh Meg... such beautiful, tender words for your sweet little Clayton. What a wonderful way to always remember Clayton by that touching song. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you always!
I don't even know what to say. We sang that song on sunday too, and it always makes me emotional just thinking of the people, old and young, that have passed on. I can't even begin to understand what you have gone through. I think I will think of him when we sing that song as well.
really beautiful
"tho' hard to you this journey may appear, happy day, all is well."
love you girl. so so sorry... i can't comprehend your grief, nor your strength.
It is so wonderful that we have little angels in heaven.It truly is a divine and sacred roll! You are an amazing woman with much strength to be able to endure losing a baby and cancer! May you know I pray for you and your family often!
I wasn't there on Sunday but I would have connected the dots. I think of you and Clayton often and admire you for your strength. I too am grateful that you get to be his mother. The Lord works in such mysterious ways.
Wow, I will always think of little Clayton now when I hear that song. You are so inspiring, Meg. I know that losing Clayton must have been (and still is) unimaginably difficult, but I agree that God has a plan for your family. And everything will be OK in the end.
Clayton has not been forgotten. He will always be a part of your family. I hope you know that I think about you and pray for you a lot. I'm thankful that I have been able to keep in touch with you through the blog world.
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