Clayton's Birthday...

I wanted to do something on Clayton's birthday that made it a fun day. I knew that if I let this day pass by and didn't do anything fun or eventful I would just feel rotten all day and I would regret it. So we headed home for the weekend so that we could spend a fun weekend with our families.

First thing in the morning Trent took Tru out on a little stroll around the lake in a kayak. Tru absolutely loved the kayak!!! He didn't mind the life jacket or anything. He practically jumped into it without any help from us. It was cute to see him all bundled up going for a little tour of the lake.

We then met some of Trent's family and went up to the Zoo. Tru loves animals so much and I thought it would be fun for him to see the animals in real life. Ummm.... it was sort of fun. I think that the look on his face here says it all...

He was terrified of all the animals. I think that they were way bigger in person than he even imagined and that was scary for him. Now whenever he talks about animals it's, "scary elephant, scary snake, scary rhino..." We may have traumatized him for life. Oh well. It was nice to get out and do something fun.

We went and saw some more family, I had to take this great twinner picture with my nephew who just had his head buzzed for summer.

Then we went to IKEA (I haven't been in 8 months, I had quite a list of things to get). I basically tried to keep myself really busy all day. We hurried out of IKEA and raced to the graveyard so that we could get to Clayton's grave before the sun went down. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go there until late in the afternoon, and then I realized that I really needed to go back there. Pay tribute to my little boy who has left such a big print on my heart.

It was beautiful and peaceful there. I was happy to see that there was a little marker on his grave. At least something is there until we are able to get a better headstone. It had been a great day, I wasn't really sad... but as I sat there at his grave, at my mother in laws grave, with my sister in law and her family in tow... it was a humbling experience.

I've talked before about how I met Trent and ultimately decided he was the one for me to marry. As I sat there with my sister in law I realized how incredibly lucky I am to be a member of their family. I have really needed them in my life, especially this last year. I married into a family that has lost a baby (Trent's sister Kasia died of SIDS at 6 months old) and has also dealt with cancer, losing their mom eight years ago from lung cancer. I have always known this, but it really hit me that Heavenly Father knew that I needed Trent. He knew that I needed this family. They have all been such a source of strength for me, and I am so humbled to be a part of them. It was a precious moment for me, not just because my baby died, but because I saw a glimpse of the real big picture for a minute. Things don't happen by chance, Heavenly Father can guide our lives and our choices if we let him, and when we do we will be extremely blessed.

It was a good day... a long day... it took me three whole days to recover from that day (sometimes I still do way to much for my weak body and I have to pay the price). But it was worth it. I think that Clayton would be happy that we were together as a family, and having fun. Even if his older brother is scared of all animals now...