You know that you've made it to the major leagues when you start getting I.V. injections that look like this...
Also, when you have to go behind the big door that looks like this...
This isn't very fun I have to say. Today was my pet/ct scan. Anyone who gets a pet scan either has cancer, or has had cancer. It's a specialized scan that uses radioactive sugar water to highlight the cancer in your body. First they inject you with the radioactive stuff and make you sit in a dark room by yourself for an hour while the juice makes its way through your body. I brought along a magazine and some knitting to keep myself company for the hour... NOPE! You just have to sit alone, in the dark, with a big caution sign on the door.
Thankfully they have a little table with a box of tissues next to the lazy boy that you get to "relax" in (ummm... ya right!) As soon as the door shut I reached for the box of tissues. I wonder if everyone who sits in "the lazy boy" goes through at least one tissue. It's just not a fun experience. Hoping for the best on your scan, preparing yourself for the worst. Today I knew that there would be cancer lighting up in my scan... but wondering how it would be waiting and hoping that the scan would be clear.... I let myself be scared and sad for the first few minutes but then I was tired of it. I'm not going to sit there and let cancer take over my life!!! I'm not going to be one of the people who goes through the entire kleenex box waiting for my pet scan, having a pity party. I'm not going to let this take over my life.
Now... for a slight tangent... about mascara...
When I was in my freshman year of college for some reason I decided that I liked the way that I looked with mascara just on my top eyelashes. My roommate Ashlee thought that I was weird (come on... you know you did!) for doing it, but I liked how it looked! I've gone back and forth between mascara on top and bottom and just on the top through the years. Depends on my mood mostly. Since Clayton was born I've noticed that this is a great little trick to have up my sleeve. I can usually tell when I'm getting ready in the morning if it's going to be a top only day or a both day. You see, it's a commitment. If I put mascara on the bottom lashes then it means that I'm not going to cry that day. It's a lot easier to clean up when mascara is just on the top. And a lot easier to hide if I've been crying. Most days, I only put it on the top. Sunday's I definitely only put it on the top. If I think that it's going to be a good day I put it on both. Sometimes I guess wrong...
This morning knowing that I had this scan I made it a "top lash only" day. I'm glad that I did. But while I was sitting in the isolation room I realized that I'm allowing myself to feel bad for myself everyday, and making that conscious decision every morning when I get ready. After the scan I was escorted out the side door (you aren't allowed to walk through the lobby) and went to my car and drove home. When I got home, I put mascara on my bottom lashes. I'm not going to throw myself a pity party everyday. It's a choice! I want to be happy and to have a happy life. Some day's I'll just have to do a little cleaning up of the runny makeup because I do need to be a little realistic here. But I'm not going to let having cancer become my life. And I'm not going to cry about it everyday. There are so many wonderful things in my life to be happy about.
Anyway, I've had a great day. Tru turns two on Friday so I've been using this alone time to get ready for his birthday. I hope that I can become a little braver here, and make a conscious effort to have a great day EVERY DAY!!! Regardless of what is being put into my veins, or what the scans may tell. Because life is beautiful and I'm happy to have the wonderful life that I have.
10 comments:
Oh man, the top/bottom mascara theory brought me right back to the conversation you and Ashlee had about it that year. Good times. I'm glad you're handling this all well and allowing yourself times to cry and times to be happy. Looking at the positive things like you did in your last paragraph is a great way to keep your mind on the important things in your life. Love you, Meg!
I use to do the top only but then thought about it and decided I looked funny with such dark hair and no bottom lashes. Now if I don't have mascara on the bottom it's because I am still wearing yesterday's makeup and the bottom has come off during sleep. HEHE.
I too am glad you are allowing a little cry and a self induced shape-it-up talk. You are a great person and you are doing such a good job with what you've been handed.
you are amazing! love you!
I always just do the top. I think it makes my eyes look smaller if I do the bottom too. Didn't know it could be a bigger mess if you do both, but makes sense.
Meg you are a trooper. I can't imagine sitting in a dark room by myself for an hour. I would go crazy!! But then again maybe I'd surprise myself and handle it okay. We tend to be more capable than we give ourselves credit. I have seen that with you - you are so brave and yet, so honest with your feelings. I hope you can have more "both lashes" days!!! Side note - I haven't worn bottom mascara in years and love it that way. I never noticed that you did the same on occasion. Interesting -little known fact about you!!!
Way to stay positive and not let this little hurdle get in the way! Love and miss you tons!!!
I've always been a top only kinda girl...but maybe I'll change my ways! I'm so impressed with your optimism but remember...this does suck, and it's ok to cry and feel a lil bad for yourself when you want to! You keep applying that mascara girl...that's what tissue was created for...wiping smudged mascara!
I only wear mascara on my top lashes (that is when I can be bothered to put on make up at all) and the outer corners of the bottom. I've found it makes my eyes look bigger. However, since I only put mascara on top I do line across the bottom. Still easier to clean up than runny mascara (I cry a lot, too) but not as stark looking.
You are so right that having a great day is a choice. It's something I've been thinking about the last few days. I've been sitting around every day just doing projects and regular household chores not even getting ready for the day unless "something" was going to happen (in other words, I was going to go out or someone important was coming over). I've been listening to this "pregnancy affermations" c.d. that just has positive statements about pregnancy, your state of mind etc (it's pretty corny). But It has helped me realize that I've spent waaay too much time thinking maybe not "negative thoughts" but not very positive thoughts about my life or myself because things haven't always been the certain way I think they should, when I've really been blessed and need to focus on being grateful more often. Gratitude improves health. I'm glad that you're having such a healthy attitude about choosing to enjoy your life.
Wow those IV injection things are scary! You have such a great attitude and you will be blessed through this trial. You may not see the blessings right away, but you will eventually.
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