On Friday night a new couple in our ward invited us over for dinner. We decided to go, even though I had just gotten my diagnosis. So Friday afternoon I kept busy making dinner rolls and we headed over to their place when Trent got home from work. It was a very fun and normal night. We had the usual "getting to know you" talk. Where did you meet, where did you serve your mission, where are you from... Not once did the baby come up, and darn it... I failed to mention that I have cancer. It was so nice to have a night where my health or life situation didn't get discussed at all!!! As we walked away I felt relieved that I didn't have to go through the stories again, but at the same time it made me really sad. I miss those normal nights, where we talk about the weather, or school, or kids... where the most pressing thing in life is what I'm going to make for dinner, not how I'm going to get through the next few months. I miss feeling normal. I'm sure that this couple is probably going to think that we are nuts when they learn of our "family drama" but that's okay, it was worth it for a normal night.
Saturday was pretty normal too! One of Trent's co-workers invited us to his little girls second birthday party. The only time that I have met him or his wife was at the Mother's Day luncheon that Trent's work held, a week before I had Clayton. So they know that I lost my baby, but it didn't get brought up which was totally fine. This couple is Mexican, and the whole ENTIRE family was at this party! Great grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles galore!!! Lots of people to meet, lots of good good food!! Puppies and kids running all around. It was so much fun! Watching them hit the pinata was one of the funniest things I have seen in my life. A life size pinata being beat with a stick... that's pretty good entertainment! Another normal night, where I don't feel a millions eyes watching me... thinking... wondering.
I miss feeling normal. It's awkward to be the elephant in the room. Where even if we don't discuss the baby and now... the cancer, I know that it's what people are thinking about.
I hope that everyone realizes that I am still Meg. Yes, I had a baby die and yes I have cancer, but I'm still Meg. I hope that someday life gets normal again. That we have a year where nothing exciting happens. That we are searching for things to talk about like the weather or which is better, miracle whip or mayo.
(it's miracle whip by the way....)
mom + dad
my boy
baby clayton
Naturally Meg
16 comments:
Meg, I hope you know that I still think of you that way. You will always be my sweet relief society secretary/president. I think it is easy for those of us who knew you "before" to remember that you are still Meg. I love you and truly admire your courage.
Nope, Mayo...
I'm glad you had a 'normal' day and I too will pray for you guys to have one whole nice year of 'normal' days!
I agree - Miracle Whip ALL the way :)
no, it's mayo.
Really it depends on what you're making. I mean Potato salad is much better with mayo but a club sandwich is not as good as it could be without the tangy taste of miracle whip.
mayo. ;)
I vote mayo - but that's just me.
I agree...Miracle Whip is better!
Miracle whip! I only use mayo (half and half) in potato or salmon salad. Well, I put some out for Trent, too.
I agree...Miracle Whip!!! (Though I still end up buy Mayo for a special person).
Miracle whip for me, too! :)
I'm all about the whip! It sounds funner too...miracle whip. Just say it...you know its true. Come on people.
Love you Meg!
Beautiful blog Meg. Mayo ;)
It's Mayo - believe me.
I fell in love with "Meg" many months ago before all the current trials were in your life. In fact, it was the night you spoke at Enrichment about Traditions - I believe my exact thought was, "I have got to get to know that girl." At the time - it just seemed like 1) we may have a few things in common, 2) you had a very strong testimony, and 3)you had wisdom beyond your years :). Now I know you are a one of a kind!!! Thanks for being you - Meg.
Uhhhhh elephant in the room. I went to a reception, and that was a huge mistake. First public appearance really since everything- and EVERYONE and their dog came ujp to me, "how are you doing?" blabllab. It was exausting, and I just wanted to watch all the wedding entertainment. I was so sick of talking about my cancer. And the aquard moments of "do i tell them or not?" I'm glad you didn't tell them, so that you could have a fun normal night. I avoid eye contact at church because I don't want to talk to anyone about my cancer. I bore my testimony at church about it, and I think it made people feel more comfortable around me, it made peopel feel like they cuold come up to me and say something. But then you have to deal with talking to everyone- so I don't know which is worse- having people ignore you because they feel aquard or overwhelming you with all their attention and questions. I feel for you. I feel teh same way- the "normal" idea. i wish we lived by eachother so we could entertain eachother- and talk about it when we feel like- and not talk about it when we don't want to- and just be nornal. and craft when we have teh strength. Why is it taking so long to see an oncologist?
That was very poetic. You are a beautiful writer. I want you to feel normal. I can't wait until the only thing that makes a day dramatic is a bad haircut. By the way, your hair right now, gorgeous.
ps- Mayonnaise! c'mon. What next? Are you gonna say margarine is better than butter? please :)
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