Since tomorrow is Clayton's birthday I wanted to share my Clayton box with all of you. I keep all of my little Clayton things in this box. I honestly don't pull this box out very much at all. It's just too much, I find when I don't dwell on loosing him I do much better ;). I do want to have this stuff around so that someday when Tru has questions about his little brother that isn't here we can tell him and show him these things. This stuff helps remind me that he really did exist, I really had a little 1 lb baby that made such a huge impact on my life. 
1- This is a very sweet little book that my niece Kasia wrote for me after he died. The cover says "Meg I am so sorry that your baby is gone". It is one of the sweetest gifts I've ever been given with pictures drawn by her of our family. 
5- I knit a blanket for Clayton that I wrapped him in when we buried him. I knit up a little sample of it in the same yarn and pattern so that we can remember what that blanket was like.
This is my favorite picture that we have of him. It was taken at the ultrasound I had at the high risk pregnancy specialists. This was taken when I was 15 weeks pregnant and we found out he was a boy. I'm grateful that we have so many great pictures of him through ultrasound, when he was alive! Look at his little hand by his mouth. He was alive. And he was cute...
1- This is a very sweet little book that my niece Kasia wrote for me after he died. The cover says "Meg I am so sorry that your baby is gone". It is one of the sweetest gifts I've ever been given with pictures drawn by her of our family. 2- This jewelry box was given to me by "Granny Ann" and I like to keep Clayton's heart in it. This heart was given to us in the hospital and there was a smaller heart inside of this heart that we buried with Clayton.
3- All of the wonderful cards that people sent to us during this time.
4- Two little albums with all of my pictures of Clayton. Ultra Sound pictures, pregnancy pictures, pictures at the funeral. The only thing I need to add to this is pictures of his *headstone* when I get it.
5- I knit a blanket for Clayton that I wrapped him in when we buried him. I knit up a little sample of it in the same yarn and pattern so that we can remember what that blanket was like.
6- Our hospital bracelets.
7- The leftover material and ribbon that we made his casket liner with.
8- A disc of pictures that my friend Corinne took at the funeral.
9- A white handkerchief that my friend Corinne stitched Clayton's initials in that I used at the funeral.
10- My pregnancy test.
This is the hospital bracelet that they had around Clayton in the hospital. It fit around his little waist.
This is the hospital bracelet that they had around Clayton in the hospital. It fit around his little waist.
This is my favorite picture that we have of him. It was taken at the ultrasound I had at the high risk pregnancy specialists. This was taken when I was 15 weeks pregnant and we found out he was a boy. I'm grateful that we have so many great pictures of him through ultrasound, when he was alive! Look at his little hand by his mouth. He was alive. And he was cute...
**I have not been back to his grave since we buried him. He is buried up at Larkin Sunset Gardens in Sandy, Utah. I have not ordered a headstone for him yet or even looked into it anymore than the one phone call I made to see how expensive it would be. Some people have been asking when we are going to get a headstone for him and my honest answer is I have no clue. Having cancer is very expensive... and I am not one to put something like that on a credit card and pay for it later.
We know how to find him even without a stone because he is buried with Trent's mom who's grave is marked. He isn't going anywhere ;). When the time is right we will get a marker for his grave.
I still believe with all of my heart that Clayton's mission on earth was to gain an earthly body and then it was time to go. There were so many times that I almost lost him well before we did. He made it to 21 weeks where he had his developed body and that is what he needed. I'm grateful that I was able to do that for him. I'm grateful that I have felt this truth confirmed to me time and time again as I have thought about this whole situation. I'm grateful that I have a little angel boy who is looking down on our family.
14 comments:
Thank you for sharing Clayton's box. What a perfect treasure chest and a beautiful way to honor his perfect life! He really had a huge impact on so many people even though his time here was so short. I can't believe his birthday is tomorrow. I will be thinking of you and sending extra love and prayers your way. You are an amazing woman of strength Meg!
Thank you for sharing Clayton's box with us! What a year for you. I find your faith so inspiring-thank you.
THat is really an awesome box! You will always be glad you kept all of his stuff. I have only gone to my dad's grave once, in over 3 years, it's too much for me to go there and I've learned it's ok. I know this doesn't even compare to what you are dealing with but just know, that however your choose to handle things, is the right way!
Happy Birthday Clayton! You have an amazing family, a strong mother, an endearing father and a loving brother. We are glad they got to meet you.
the Warrens
Meg-that is a beautiful way to remember someone who impacted so many is such a short time. I love you!
Meg, thank you for sharing Clayton's box with us. I can imagine it must be hard to look at those things remember that experience. I am just so sorry that you lost your little boy. I know you will see him again.
Can you believe it's been a year since our sweet angels were born? (Jayden's birthday is on the 30th.) I'm so glad you have things to remember him by. I did something similar with Jayden's things. We have his stuff in a little chest/ottoman thing. I don't know how you're holding up but know I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Wish I could give you a {hug}.
Angie
Thanks for sharing Clayton and his journey with us, Meg. You have such beautiful insights.
Sending birthday wishes to heaven and hugs to you across the miles.
I hope you know how you are inspiring others. No one wants to have trials but I just hope that as I face my trials I can carry myself as you have. Thank you for your faith and steadfastness. Many will look to you for help over the years and you will give to them comfort and support. I am so glad you were able to find a way to keep your cherished memories of Clayton. As you said you may not get into the box often but I am sure you are glad you have it when you want to look at it or even share it with your children in the coming years.
Oh Meg, thank you for sharing Clayton's sweet little box. I know how important it is to have those tangible things to remind us of our sweet babies who are no longer with us.
Thank you for your testimony and for the reminder.
I love that you shared this. I've said it before, I'll say it again, you are the most amazing woman. God picked his choice beautiful, wonderful mother, to give this precious baby who only needed a moment of life to fulfill his mission. Thanks for being an inspiration to me.
That was so touching and personal. Thank you for sharing. I don't think that I or anyone who has not lost a child could ever comprehend what you've been through. You are such a strong beautiful person Meg and you are such a great example to me. I know that you will hold your sweet angel boy again. :)
Loss of words.
Tears.
Huge lump in my throat.
You and your family are beautiful examples!
Meg,
Thanks for sharing Clayton's box. YOu have reminded me of what is important in life. I need to do better at saving things. You saved everything! Now you have those things to remind you of your sweet boy. I sometimes feel I take things for granted because i get swept up by the stress and difficulty of things. But really in comparison they are nothing. I need to be grateful. Thank you for reminding me of what is important. I cried when you talked about your baby boy. You are such a wonderful mom! Thanks for your faith and courage. It helps me in my trials to remember to have faith.
I have no idea what it is like to be you. you have been through so much, and I'm grateful to know you, grateful to recieve any advice from you, and to be your friend. i love you, and think you are a strong strong woman.
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